Let it go.......

I was recently watching Meet the Robinsons with my kids and the end song they play with the credits is "Little Wonders". I did not think much about it, but later watching the bonus features I really listened to the words, and they spoke to me. This happens once in a while with a song. I reaches me on a personal level, and later there was an interview with the writer/singer, and he told of his inspiration for the song. He was walking his dog, in a hurry, and the dog would not move. He pulled at the leash and nothing. Looking down he saw that the dog was facing into the wind, enjoying the breeze on his face as it hit him. It is the little moments that matter, living for the now. This made me think of things that have happened in our life, mostly the relationships my wife and I have with the in-laws.

What is it with in-laws? You seem to either have a great time with them or it is a total bust. The way my family is I never understood this. Even after my Mom and Dad got divorced we still got together for holidays and birthdays. They did not fight, it was all very amenable. When Suzy and I got married, my entire family took her in and made her feel at home, part of the family. My dad was not sure at first, as we had a pretty fast romance and marriage, but he still embraced his new daughter-in-law with open arms.

My experience was just a bit different. Perhaps some of this was my fault as I have pretty clear cut ideas about the whole wife/husband relationship and what it means to be married as opposed to other types of relationships, IE., mom/daughter, brother/sister, sister/sister. To start with, my wife asked that we not tell her family, except for her brother, that we were getting married. She had her reasons, the foremost was he ex and the fact that they were related, something like 3rd or 4th cousins by marriage. They were still trying to dispose of joint property and she did not want him knowing the she had just remarried as he would be vindictive, a prediction that came true in the end, but as I like to say, that is another story.

When we finally broke the news to the rest of her family, her sister, brother, aunt and grandparents were thrilled. They all made me feel welcome. Her mother was another story. She felt slighted and she let Suzy know in no uncertain term her displeasure. Suzy was in tears and I was furious. I said some things that on later reflection could have been said better and it led to a lot of bad feelings between Mom and I for the first year. We patched things up and now I have a pretty good relationship with her mom.

Then came her sister's drama. Her sister has not made great decisions in life. A high school mother, she had to give up her first child for adoption. Even though it was an open adoption and she keeps in touch with her daughter, I think it has left scars on her. Then she married her present husband. He is not the brightest bulb in the box. Not entirely his fault as he was not allowed to graduate high school by high guardians as a teenager. Then of course, he made some really bad decisions in his life. Together they have had four children, three girls and one boy.

Now I will not go into the horrid details of the huge disagreements we have had with these two, suffice to say it has been ugly, very ugly. I am all about responsibility, being a good parent, having a clean and healthy place for the kids to grow up in and most of all, putting your children first. Suzy's sisters husband is all about himself, buying cigarettes and giving money to his family when there isn't any food in the house. Not bettering himself for his families sake and getting a G.E.D., even when the opportunity was laid out for free before him. Her sister on the other hand keeps a house that is so bad that it makes me want to puke from the smell of the baby shit, dog piss and rotten food on the dirty dishes.

Suzy tried to get her sister to clean up her act and in doing so alienated herself. This has caused me no grief as I just wanted to get clear of the mess, but Suzy loves her sister and her nieces and nephew. For over two years now she has not be allow to see them or talk to them. All efforts to bridge the gap by Suzy have been met with rebukes and nasty, snide remarks. Her hateful, vindictive sister knows that the best way to hurt Suzy is to deny her access to her nieces.

So I put it out to the cosmos that Suzy's sister needs to Let it Go. Her sister loves her and loves her children. Who cares what I think? I am just the in-law and I could really care less how they live, I was just trying to help them better themselves, but HE is the master of his house, HE makes the decisions for his family. But he too needs to Let it Go.

I end this post with the lyrics from Little Wonders. A very poignant song that points out the fact that we live out our lives in the moment, not the past, and we need to get over it and get on with our lives. The moments we miss will be lost forever, like tears in rain.

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and I don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we’ll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

all of my regret
will wash away somehow
but I cannot forget
the way I feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away but these small hours
these small hours, still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain

The singer/song writers music can be found here. Rob Thomas and you can listen to the song here Little Wonders